Fast-fire fun facts about nature

P: This is Pied! 

B: And this is Bloomsip! 

H: And I'm Hibiscus! 

N: Starring Corvid Chef Newmoon. 

P: And today, we come to you with a new episode, and hopefully a new format, of Survogel Asks the Biosphere. Cue intro. 

P: I'm Pied, a pied urvogel! 

N: I'm Newmoon the large-billed crow! 

B: I'm Mr Bloomsip! 

H: And Hibiscus! 

B&H: We're the sunbirds on the show! 

P: I use my other name for the title here! 

All: We're the hosts on this show: 

Survogel Asks the Biosphere! 

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PIED: Okay, so welcome back to our show! It's been a while, what with me moving to a less tree-filled place and Mr Bloomsip's Nintendo Switch was nearly reclaimed by the company when they discovered that neither he nor Hibiscus were human. 

BLOOMSIP: I missed you! But I didn't miss your secret co-host. 

HIBISCUS: We don't talk about him that way! 

B: He nearly ate you! 

H: Fair, but still. 

P: So, shall we start? I'll share my screen so you can narrate the facts with us. 

B: Okay! 

*jaunty music* 

P: First of all... birds are reptiles. If you try to make the definition of 'reptile' exclude birds, you'd have to remove turtles and crocodiles from being reptiles. My genus, Archaeopteryx, demonstrates this by having a "mix of features". And there's substantial evidence, about as much as gravity, showing that Mr Bloomsip here is descended from the ancestor of all dinosaurs, making him a dinosaur. 

B: Wow, that's... surprisingly obvious and yet absolutely alien. 

P: You lived with two nonavian dinosaurs, but it still feels alien? 

B: You can't reconcile yourself with the other monkeys, Pied. 

P: Fair enough. 

H: Next, did you know that hippopotami eat a lot more meat than you'd expect? Not only are they equipped with a mighty dentition, but they require the extra nutrition since plants aren't nutritionally dense. They may even be considered omnivores and not just facultative (able to eat the other kind of food) herbivores! 

P: And third, we know what colour some dinosaurs were. That's because, under exceptional circumstances, the melanosomes, small cells that contain pigments that give vertebrate skin its colour, were preserved! Not the exact colour they were in life, but their structure can tell us the true colour! 

B: Fourth, butterflies drink more than just nectar. This is unsurprising; I've eaten insects many times, mostly as a chick. They can be observed feeding on blood, mud, sweat, dung, and turtle tears. 

P: Basically what Winston Churchill had to offer. 

B: Who? 

P: He caused a famine. 

B: Ah. 

P: Fifth... black swans are as native to Aotearoa, aka New Zealand, as the pūkeko is, a swamphen that came there from Australia. 

For context, pūkeko arrived there about 1000 years ago, carried by the ancestors of the Aotea people. The black swans naturally flew from Australia to Aotearoa, and some were introduced artificially afterwards by colonisers in 1860. 

NEWMOON: Only five facts? It took you months to compile five facts?! 

P: Sorry. Can we turn this into a conversational episode? 

B: Okay. How have you been ever since you left? 

P: I have adjusted. How are Myra and the rest? 

H: Myra's miffed about the pruning, as are the white-eyes. She also misses your plants a lot and now thwacks caterpillars elsewhere. 

N: Yeah, that was awesome! 

B: Newmoon is glad your family's not tormenting him anymore. Nintendo... 

P: I know. 

B: Thanks for sorting it out. 

P: You're welcome. Newmoon, how are you? 

N: Quite nice, actually! 

P: Glad you're okay! Stop tormenting smaller birds. 

N: What am I supposed to do, then? 

P: Take apart the chairs of the people who wanted the tree that white-eyes forage on pruned. Or learn to make tools. 

N: Cool! 

B: How's the secret co-host? 

P: Adjusting well to their new home, but I can't tell you more for legal reasons. 

B: ...Of course. Any casualties so far? 

P: Human? No. 

H: That's a relief. Anyways, I found the leafbird. 

P: YIPPEE! 

B&H: *scared sunbird noises* 

N: *scared crow noise* 

P: Sorry. Can you tell me more about the leafbird? 

B: Their name's Fig. 

P: Where's Fig now? 

B: Heck if I know! You're not here to attach trackers. I asked you the other day if I could- 

P: No. No, Mr Bloomsip, you're not going to detach your tracker ring. 

B: The other option would be you coming back here, but that's about as likely as me spontaneously turning into a white-eye. 

P: I might try to send you something via the Third Space, though it might be shut down by 2025. 

H: Well then, hurry up! 

P: A-nyways, it's been raining recently. The humidity has skyrocketed, and that's why I'm currently hiding under a table for this podcast. 

B: So, you're so birdy that your storm-sheltering instinct was activated? 

P: Yes. 

H: That's awesome! 

N: Do you, like, have a PSA for the readers? Or, at least, any future announcements for this podcast? 

P: As a matter of fact, yes! Which do you want to hear first? 

H: The PSA. 

P: Don't prune your trees. Don't weed your gardens. Don't plant trees without knowing what plants used to grow at the site. Because if you do... you're actively contributing to the global decline in biodiversity. 

Here are some examples from our speakers today. 

H: Remember the white-eyes I was talking about? They love foraging in thick foliage for small insects that live on the branches. When the big tree out here was pruned, they left for the other side of the garden and began rioting! 

Not to mention the scaly-breasted munias: when their precious shaded nesting area was pruned, they straight-up left! 

P: What do the insects think about it? Wait, no: the Switch will only let us communicate via audio, and insects use chemicals to communicate. 

N: The crickets... 

P: Ah, right. Can you bring one? 

N: I have one here. 

CRICKET: PLS PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME 

P: They... aren't bugs of many words. 

CRICKET: PICK ME Wrong. We lost a large amount of home where we could lay eggs and chirp. Speaking of which, PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME PICK ME 

P: *frustrated urvogel noise* Don't eat the cricket: just put them on a bush. We can't lose our first insect on the podcast. 

N: Okay. *flapping noises* 

B: Got any plans for the podcast's future, Pied? 

P: Not sure if there is one, but maybe we'll release that Sankranti episode. Perhaps rectify any mistakes from previous posts? 

N: Yes. That works. 

P: And hey, there are plenty of species left to interview! I've found two new members of the podcast family here! 

H: So they debut next episode? 

P: Yep! Correctamundo, Hibiscus! 

N: What are they? 

P: You'll see. Wink. 

N: We're on a video call; you don't need to say it out loud! 

P: It's for the listeners, Newmoon. 

B, N, & H: We have, like, one listener! 

P: With the new co-hosts, that should change. Alright, I'll see you next episode! 

B&H: Bye! 

N: Caw! 

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Editor's note: Sorry this took so long to come out. :,) A lot has happened this past year, but I promise you'll learn more about the world Mr Bloomsip and I live in. 

Happy Diwaloween/Thanksgiving!