Lunch Break!

  INTRO: I'm Pied, a pied urvogel, or an Archaeopteryx! 

I'm Mr Bloomsip! 

I'm Hibiscus! 

We're sunbirds with LEGO bricks! 

I use my other name for the title here! 

Pied! Bloomsip! And Hibiscus! On 

Survogel Asks the Biosphere!  

NOTE: This blog uses the method of combining fonts to create the illusion of different voices speaking together. It may get harder to follow along soon. Handbag the crow speaks like this. And to avoid confusion, Hibiscus speaks this way. 

The actual publishing date was 08/08/2023 at 18:48. Enjoy! 

This episode was brought to you by Newmoon, star soup chef among crows, who we call Handbag because of an inside joke between me and my mother about him looking like a black handbag. 

At 5 reads, likes, or comments, we'll repay Handbag for his services to this podcast by not poisoning the water we leave out in deep Biryani By Kilo handis that only the crows can drink from and a special bilingual (English and Indian Jungle Crow) cooking class focused on soups. 

Thank you, Mr Bloomsip! Now we focus the mic on our VIB guest. For the human audience that doesn't know, that's Very Important Bird, but as Handbag's a corvid, I've considered using VIP, P for Person, instead. Tell me, Newmoon, what's the most challenging part about making your soups? 

Well, the thing is, humans lay out stuff to kill rats, like POISON, and steal all the fun of me killing them. Even if you take the pest control out of the picture, there's still the fact that all the rats are as huge as you two sunbirds lined up beak-to-tail-feather. Which makes them hard to kill, but I promise you, it's worth it. And, the thing is, I didn't really start out my soup-making career with actual soup: it was just washing meat off in your non-communal bird water, and when you confronted me about it with that huge, feathered creature, I guess I decided soup was the way to go. 

That's a LOT of life-story, Newmoon! Now, the mynahs say even the red-whiskered bulbuls and the terns have heard of your soups. Can you confirm these rumours? 

Well, I honestly only make soups for me. The other crows sometimes drop by for a chat, not soup, so I wouldn't exactly consider myself a celeb chef. And I've got a lot of controversy around me because I'm making soup. 

Cool! So, shall we start our cook-along? 

Yeah! 

First, you have to prepare the rat properly. Just peel off the furry skin, like thi-i-is, and then it'll be easier to cook. 

Cook how, exactly? Isn't cooking the thing that makes humans human? 

Well, I'm appointing you as my sous chef, Su. 

*screaming* 

Well, the other crows said they don't trust me with fire, so it's up to you! 

*screaming* Oh, it's okay. 

Second, you tear off a small strip, around... I'm no good with human measurements. 

Three centimetres. 

Yes, three centimetres. Make many of these. Dunk them repeatedly into the water, and BLOOMSIP, THIS IS MY SOUP, NOT YOURS! 

Hey! You're the guest star here! 

As the legal sheet specified, I'm entirely in charge of Lunch Break, and I say this studio needs a revamp. 

It's a PODCAST! How can they notice your redesign?! 

I can hear the background music playing. Eh, might as well change it to something else. 

BEGONE! 

LIKE YOU CAN SHOO ME! 

*shattered laser noise* 

*scared sunbird noises* 

*scared crow noises, followed by a door slam* 

*shattered laser noise* 

Okay, so "Operation Human The Living Daylights Out Of That Darn Crow" was a total success, eh, Bloomsip? ...BLOOMSIP?! 

Phew, at least there isn't a dangerous human here. Also, agreed, my enantiornithean partner-in-crime. 

Now we switch these lighters on, and how many we turn on is our way of controlling the heat. Anyways, it's time for a fun thermodynamics fact! 

Please don't make it too mathematical. Our readers are already in shock from the choice of meat and Newmoon's bullying. 

Okay. The thing is, as different substances absorb heat differently, they take different times to heat up. This terracotta has a specific heat capacity, that is, the amount of heat to make a certain mass of it increase in temperature by a certain amount, usually with the energy in joules, the temperature in °C, and the mass in kilograms. As it has a lower specific heat capacity than water, the pot will heat up before the soup. So be careful and don't touch the handi, and do NOT touch your pot if you're trying this at home. Hibiscus, how long has it been? 

Around five minutes. Also, you going human to frighten Handbag away is positively unnerving. 

Sorry about that. 

Nah, we're good. 

Now we put in a bit of this mix of chilli powder and turmeric. Because, as avialans, the main cast can't have salt, I'll put a quarter of a tablespoon of red ants for the acidic taste. 

Unhand us! We have a queen to get back to! 

Sorry, but no. 

*ant screams* 

And now a big black ant. There. According to Google, the formic acid should last. Good thing I turned the heat down just in case. Also, do we have any salmonellophages? 

WAIT, THAT REQUEST WAS GENUINE?! 

DID YOU THINK CIGARETTE LIGHTERS CAN PROPERLY COOK THIS?! 

Oh. Oof. I think you need a stove. 

Okay, so, to prevent salmonella infection, I shall now cook the rat soup on a gas stove. Please enjoy the intermission. 

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Did you enjoy the intermission? Good, now we'll see how this tastes. Being carnivorous dinosaurs, we've all evolved from a carnivorous ancestor. Though we might've lost the paraphernalia for it. At least the sunbirds can enjoy the broth. 

Mmm, this is actually good! 

We should sip blood and other animal fluids more! 

...Hibiscus?! Wow, that's morbid! 

That just means that I liked that crow's soup. 

Glad you did! Also, in the next post, we have a special thing for all the readers who stuck with us all this time. But until then, drink soup and stay safe! 

Bye for now! 

See you! 

P.S. Sorry for the delay. Life got in the way. It's been FOUR MONTHS?! Dang, that's crazy. Also, you are going to get a very special treat very soon. I won't spoil the surprise, but it's what most of this episode's not being worked on is due to.