Survogel Asks the Biosphere

NOTE: This is FICTION. But it has a lot of fact about the wildlife trade. Deepak Dalal, if you can read this, know you've inspired me to make this, senpai.  DAY 1:  Alright, I'm just preaching to the choir here, but I'm going to recap for our readers.  My dad (because I'm a human who transformed into this urvogel) drove us all this way. He was very onboard with this plan, because he said, and I quote, "She needs to be able to survive without us because we won't go with her to IISc or anywhere else". It was a dreary couple of hours, but at least I didn't have to comb my hair much. When we got there, I was yeeted towards the nearest tree, and then I made my best impression of a drongo, facilitated by my urvogel syrinx!  I'm just going to skip a lot of the stuff that happened, but long story short, there were poachers. And I'm now in a cage. This end of the call is in a truck, and it's a terrible place to be in. I want water, but nobody's ...

INTRO: I'm Pied, a pied urvogel, or an Archaeopteryx!  I'm Mr Bloomsip, purple sunbird who owns two blue LEGO bricks!  I use my alias for the title here!  We're Pied- and Bloomsip- h osts of  Survogel asks the Biosphere!  NOTE: This is merely a fictional narrative of events. Don't take it to be a real thing. I'm not risking my life IRL, because of the fact that I have a future worth turning into a present.  Alright, are we live yet?  Yes.  Good. *inhales* Okay, so... I've got a proposition. I'm going to get into the wildlife trade and survive for as long as I can. If it seems I'm not going to survive, then only will I call the cops. I'm going to pose as a weird drongo thing that can talk, DEFINITELY get captured alive due to the fact that I can talk, do a Shawshank-redemption Papillon by freeing as many birds as I can without getting caught, and see where I end up, which I hope to Frog Titan isn't "stuffed in a museum in Germany".  I w...