Episode 2: Valeriya, R. Sheldon, Ryba, Christmas, and migration

INTRO: I'm Pied, a pied urvogel, or an Archaeopteryx! 

I'm Mr Bloomsip, a purple sunbird who has two blue Lego bricks! 

I use my other name for this title here! 

We're Pied -and Bloomsip, hosts of... 

Survogel Asks the Biosphere! 

CLARIFICATION NOTE: 

Pied speaks like this. Mr Bloomsip speaks this way. Valeriya the Siberian crane's lines are in this manner. Ryba the osprey's voice goes this way. Reddy Sheldon honks in this font. Any combination of these, like this, represents the characters speaking together. (This is the closest I can get to emulating the different voices in a podcast in text. :P) 

Zdrastvuitye, readers! 

Zdrastvuitye! 

Well, your pronunciation's OK. 

Thanks, Valeriya! So, today's episode is about some very special things in winter: Christmas and migrations towards the equator. 

Ooh! Also, my breeding season! 

Of course, Mr Bloomsip! That's why you're all decked out in your "It's Almost February" apparel! 

Yes, winter has a LOT of other human things too, like Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Krampus, Dongzhi, and your birthday, Survogel. 

Wait, really? When? 

Around the same time as Johannes Kepler, Ryba. Today's topic is... bird migration! That's why I invited you guys. 

But we left Siberia in October! 

And I left Mongolia in the same month! 

Yes, but this is the time you'll really be enjoying India, as it feels like a temperate summer this time. And also, it's Christmastime. So, what's migration like? Spending most of my time as a semi-sedentary human who gets exhausted by running around 30 metres and cannot do a single floor push-up, I'm admiring your stamina. 

Well, it's more like an arm workout, but thank you! The trick is to get very, very fat before you go, because flying's energy-consuming, not get shot, fly in a group, and be ready for disappointments, because the old rest-stops might not be still standing, because, y'know, HUMANS. And be ready for death. 

Ah, yes. The Most Perilous Journey that a bird can take, but it's mandatory. Also, have I seen you guys before? 

Err... 

I don't know. 

You could've been here any time. You guys aren't ringed. 

Well, I guess that works out. 

Of course. So, where do you guys come from? 

Ryba and I hail from an obscure wetland in Siberia. 

I'm from nowhere near the Russian-Mongolian border. 

Honestly, I'm impressed by your- 

Stamina? You already asked them! 

-navigational abilities. Is it due to some special magnetic sensors in your brains, the stars in the sky, the sun's location, or some combination of them? 

Eh... we've never really thought about it. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯ 

This is a podcast, I know that, but verbally saying "shrug emoticon"? Bruh, Ryba. Also, I don't expect you to know everything about your body, just as I don't. 

This seems to be getting a bit tedious, so... it's time for some interesting stories from your migrations! 

Oh! Yes, of course. Tell me where you got this from. It's so gooood! 

Valeriya, NO! Don't overdose on sugar! Here, I give a shout-out to ktrav258, aka Keiron, for making us a Christmassy Chocolate drink after modifying the recipe he got from his internship at Tai's Brewery (which, in reality, is a game by block866 and ArcanisHD, unshared from Scratch but with mods that live on) to be suitable for the consumption of birds. 

At least we have the numbers to multiple exotic veterinarians and a lawyer in case you kill them. 

*spits drink* Gah! Also, I'll start with my crazy migration story: Cathedral Chaos! 

So, basically, I heard myself a route to India over Astana, and I was exhausted from flying, couldn't reach Naurzum in time, so I tried to do as the humans do. There was a human building called a "cathedral", and it seemed inviting, so that was the new stopover for tonight. 

Well, why didn't you stop over at a mosque or the American Embassy? 

That place seemed colourful enough to make my presence seem like some funny lawn crane thing. Also, it was a dare. 

Dares seem risky, considering your IUCN status. 

Silence, shiny little bird! In that place, there were these... who- uh- 

Humans? 

Yes. So, like, they were singing about this God. I've never understood who, or why 

Me neither. Me neither. 

he is. But these humans were talking about him. 

They actually emphasise the "He" and the "Him". 

Ah. But the thing is, when this loud, deep ringing woke me up, someone tried to chase me with a short lightning handheld thing. 

They allow that in Kazakhstan?! 

Yes. Unfortunately. After that, I hid in a long box with hollow logs sticking out of it and tried struggling around with some pieces of trees. 

Aagh. Classic Animals of Farthing Wood scenario, but with only one crane. 

The sound was loud and made echoes. The humans, though, seemed more scared than me. 

*laughter* 

Some ex-orcist was called to get rid of me. You should've seen the look on his face when I flew out of the long box! 

*more laughter* 

I trumpeted a "So long!" and flew off, the "ex-orcist" muttering something to God as I did so. 

Qapla'! So, anyone else? 

Wait, you know Klingon?! 

Just a few phrases. ...but how'd you find out it was Klingon? 

We should move on to the gifts, as this conversation's starting to sound... fishy. B) 

*laughs* Okay, okay. 

I'll give you your gift, even though you say emoticons out loud. 

Oh my! A... fish-shaped... beak shutter? 

Ryba! It's obviously a ring like the one they put on my cousin! 

Ah! So, what does it do? 

I'll try to put it onto your ankle despite the fact that my wrists don't function like my human ones right now. Basically, it's got a GPS signaller in one of the fins, a velocimeter in the other fin, and measures your vitals from its tail. 

That's... somewhat between creepy and touching? Thanks! 

You're welcome! And for Valeriya, here's a frog-shaped ring! 

That is not very original. You gave the same thing to Ryba. 

Hey, a frog is, in casual terms, not a fish! 

Well, what makes the frog ring special? 

It beeps if you're passing near a dangerous zone, as in one full of poachers. 

Hey! Now I want her ring! 

It will alert you to hunters, but in a different way. Also, Survogel prioritised these gifts by your IUCN status. 

Okay. *initiates bird fight* 

Stop! 

What else?! 

To Reddy Sheldon, I give you... a Kurzgesagt-logo ring! 

What does this Earth logo have to do with saying things briefly? 

Well, Kurzgesagt is a company that makes stunning graphics and explains science IN A NUTSHELL, hence the name. It's actually homemade, but I gave credit. This is because their mascot's a duck. 

I see. And what will Mr Bloomsip receive? 

Two blue lego bricks! 

Oh my! Thank you! 

What?! 

Well, not many things rhyme with Archaeopteryx, and Bloomsip doesn't migrate. So... ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯. 

Hypocrite. You said the shrug emoticon out loud! 

Thanks for teaching me how to pronounce it, Ryba! 

Okay. So I have a purple LEGO brick. How do I carry it without chok- 

There are two small bumps on your rings. 

So EVERYONE can carry 

Yes. Yes. 

their Legos? :DDD 

Woohoo! 

Also, one final message to our readers. It's in the small brochure I gave you. Ready? 

Ready! 

I wish you a merry Christmas! 

We wish you a happy 2023! 

(Photo by my mother, outside South City Mall.) 

P.S. 

I apologise for the one-month lateness, but vacations and studying aren't to joke about. 

CANONICAL EXPLANATION: Similar to the real one. Ryba took everyone to Bhigwan for a week to go fishing and see more birds, so nobody could do the post-production jobs until after they let us go. Developmental heck ensued, to say nothing of Reddy Sheldon complaining about the mild electric shocks in his leg.