Episode 1: Mr Bloomsip and Diwali

((RECAP FOR NEW READERS: In the last episode, Survogel, a pied urvogel/Archaeopteryx, and Mr Bloomsip, a purple sunbird, made their debut. Survogel, also referred to as Pied in this episode, asked Mr Bloomsip to explain to his audience why he wasn't really blue, and he got mad.)) 

Hey, readers! After a month or so of radio silence, I'm back on air! And also, you remember Mr Bloomsip? He's back. 

And bluer than ever, if I say so myself! 

Hmm... you don't look very blue. And we need to talk about a topic. 

Wait, YOU HAVEN'T DECIDED ON A TOPIC?! 

Well, er... 

*firework explosion* 

I have, actually. You heard that sound? That's a firework, the menace to birds that comes around Diwali- *another firework* We really need to soundproof our recording studio. 

Yeah, those things are LOUD. 

Hey, wait, Mr Bloomsip! We have our topic now! Fireworks! 

*sound director cat starts playing Katy Perry's song Firework* 

Please revert the song to our usual backing track. 

As most of you might know, people celebrate the end of Ram's exile by lighting up their homes. This usually takes the form of bird-disorienting kandils and diyas, fake stars on amavasya, meant to light up the incarnated primordial deity's way when he, his brother, and his Mario-esquely kidnapped-and-rescued wife returned to the city of Ayodhya. 

Oh, that's why you sent me a bunch of comics and a Nintendo Switch. I literally had to send a few mynahs to distract humans from what I was doing, did you know that? 

Well, that explains the rowdy myna mobs over the last few days. And sorry. Anyways, back to our topic. 

So... fireworks. Loud, burning things that go high into the sky and make a thunder sound. 

I could not have said it better myself, Mr Bloomsip. So, fireworks originated in Ch- 

NO! No more historical discourses, Pied! 

Sorry. So, noise pollution generally disorients birds and ruins their lives. Light pollution, also known as Humanity's False Stars, can disrupt bird migration, as studies say. In some cities, the darkest night still looks like some kind of a pre-dawn, entirely due to humans keeping lights on well into the night. It's a bad habit, but we've grown to rely on it, making birds have a circadian rhythm as bad as that of my human form on a Monday. 

*laughter from Mr Bloomsip* That was a good one. 

Yes. Maybe I'll head to the Northwest to interview a migratory bird on this next. So, fireworks combine the disadvantages of noise pollution AND light pollution, not to mention the smoke they produce. If you have photosensitive epilepsy that is triggered by flashing lights or you just generally hate bright lights coming at you from utter darkness, you will know the pain of birds around Diwali. 

People with photosensitive epilepsy AND some form of misophonia suffer the most during Diwali, like birds do. There are many, many mental disorders that can be triggered by fireworks, so WHY ARE WE CELEBRATING THE LATE AUTUMN HARVEST THIS WAY?! THIS IS GETTING OUTDATED! 

AND TELL THAT TO THE AMERICANS TOO, PIED! 

Preach, Bloomsip! And I speak on behalf of all the birds of this Earth, please, please, PLEASE do not celebrate with explosives. Putting up fancy lights to add to light pollution is also discouraged, but fireworks are high-priority! India, if your capital city could ban them, CAN'T THE REST OF YOU? India, land of almost 1400 species of birds, also the land of making a war soundscape EVERY YEAR, WHICH WILL STRESS THE BIRDS, must change! *flomps down and pants* 

Hey, are you okay? 

Yeah. Though I feel like I've been stabbed by an EpiPen in my faith in humans. 

You ARE a human, though. 

Fair point. And this was an invigourating speech I gave, right? 

It was. Though I'm somewhat surprised that such a crowd-rousing PSA made its way into a comedy/education podcast. 

Well, if you believe in a cause, you'll eventually turn it into the hill you're willing to die on. 

Ugh. Human war reference. 

Sorry. But should I try lightening the mood a bit? 

Of course! 

If you'll miss fireworks, you can replicate the effect with a giant strobe-light screen and the bass-boosted version of Katy Perry's hit Firework playing at amplifier volume turned up to 11. 

*laughter from Mr Bloomsip* Stop being so funny, especially after inspiring speeches! 

Okay, and now, Sound Director Cat, you may play Firework. 

*sound director cat starts playing Katy Perry's song "Firework"* 

*Pied starts singing along* 

To all of our listeners/readers, I wish you a very happy Diwali. 

{{NOTE FROM FUTURE SELF: This episode was posted a bit late because you know how IRL stuff gets. Also, canonically, the Sound Director Cat accidentally, and irreversibly, put loud EDM over fifteen seconds of Pied's ranting about light pollution and birds, but one of the mynahs sent to cover up the fact Bloomsip had a Switch and several ACKs had a backup recording with them. So sorry for the delay, and I hope I can get to get the SAtB Christmas Special out at the right time. (We're not doing Thanksgiving because controversy.) And, as always, photographs by my (human) mother.}}